


Please forget to fall down.

by RuiningYourLife



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco, The Young Veins
Genre: Angst, Crying, Funerals, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Northern Downpour references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-18 00:55:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9356696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RuiningYourLife/pseuds/RuiningYourLife
Summary: "You're my moon, Ryan."





	

It had only been a small thing.  He’d only found out the details from Spencer-

He hadn’t been invited.

He’d sat in his car until the very few people came out of the small church- He’d never really kept in contact after the split; it wasn’t like he had the strength to, anyway. He remembers the last words he’d said to him, before they broke contact.

“You’re my moon, Ryan.”

He finally gathered the strength to get out of his car. The car he and Ryan had spent hours in- Through dusty sunsets after a couple of cold drinks in the summer, to hazy make outs during the winter, the heating pulsing through the car. The snow falling in all the right places, sitting pretty on his eyelashes and soft, coffee hair. He still remembers the way his own tanned hands looked again the pretty boy’s flawless skin.

He slammed the door behind him, swallowing hard. Every step was forced. He didn’t know if he could do this. Not now.

Not ever.

The lilacs planted in the church grounds felt ironic- such a happy thing for such a sombre situation. His favourite flowers had been roses. He’d worn a beautiful vest that had been littered with them. They’d almost been as stunning as him. Nothing was as stunning as him, he thought. He took in a lungful of the tense air, and pushed his hand- the hand decorated with bruises, that had been a present from both his anger and the wall – against the wooden door.

It took all he had in him to not run.

The setup was small, but his style nonetheless. Except, it didn’t really _scream_ him, like it should’ve done. It _whispered_ him. Vaguely. It’d obviously been done by somebody else. Somebody who’d taken his place in Ryan’s life.

Candles lit the dusty church, and the colourful stained glass barely let any light pass through it. It was like the scene from a night sky. Dark, with the stars surrounding the moon.

He walked down the aisle. You know, the one they were supposed to walk down together.

It’s an open casket.

The blood had been wiped off his wrists, and a suit pulled tightly over his cold body. He looked peaceful, the same way he did when he was asleep. Brendon knew, however, that he wouldn’t wake up from this dream.

His hair was long, and still soft. He couldn’t run his fingers through it anymore.

His body was still slim and agile. He couldn’t touch it anymore.

Not just because he was gone, but because he wasn’t Brendon’s anymore.

“Ryan,” He whispered, the tears climbing up his throat. “I miss you.”

“You probably didn’t miss me, but, God Ryan. I missed you so much. I missed you more than anything. I know I should’ve told you this a long, _long_ time ago."

He blinked, dragging the sleeve of his bitten sweater against his teary eyes.

“You’re my moon, Ryan. The moon to my sun. My world doesn’t go on without you, you know that? I… I’m sorry I couldn’t bring myself to tell you these things. I hope that, soon enough, we’ll be together again, ok? I know you went to heaven. People like me don’t-“ He choked on a sob, leaning against the casket, trying not to burst into tears. “People like me don’t go to heaven. We- We’re not good enough for that, yeah?” He smiled sadly.

 

“You’re my moon, Ryan. You promised me you wouldn't Ry."

 

"You fell down."

And if only he knew that Ryan was watching, that Ryan felt the same way. That Ryan _would_ be his. Just not in this life.

 

 

Fin.

 


End file.
